If You Don't
by tinyfiereceandsassy
Summary: An anon on asked for post-finale angst. So here we go.


**A/N:** **An anon on asked for post-finale angst. So here we go.**

_'Cause you can't make your heart feel something it won't. _

Mindy wiped a tear from the corner of her eye before it could escape down her cheek. The wind on the deck of the ferry was harsh, but she liked it. It wicked away the water from her eyes before anyone else could see.

Normally Mindy loved these sorts of cinematic moments. She'd stare out across the sea as if a camera were behind her, reading her thoughts. She didn't have to act this time. The sorrow was real; tangible. She felt like she couldn't take a full breath, each gulp of air licking the edge of her lungs before it was snatched away.

Ironic, wasn't it? Not being able to breathe, after everything had finally been released? She'd been waiting. She knew it was coming; she just didn't want to admit it to herself. So she held her breath, waiting for the other shoe to drop. Waiting for Danny to say he didn't want to marry her. Or worse, watching the ice in his eyes as he offered her another sham marriage. Mindy should've been gasping for air now. It was finally out in the open. _Danny didn't want marriage. _He didn't want _her_.

As Mindy stifled a sob, she knew she couldn't go back to their apartment. _His _apartment. It was fitting – she'd remove herself from the space she'd forced her way into. It'd always been his, closed off from the rest of the world. She'd just tried to jam the puzzle pieces together for a little while, until they broke.

She didn't even bother stopping by the apartment to pick up any clothes. She knew she'd lose it, crumpling onto the bed if she did. So she went to the first hotel she could find. Checked in quickly. Ran a hot bath. Stepped in, settled down, and listened to the music she knew she needed as she cupped handfuls of water, watching them run down her swollen belly.

_Morning will come and I'll do what's right; just give me 'til then to give up this fight. _

She openly wept now. She hadn't allowed herself to in quite some time, knowing that if Danny came home and caught her, she'd have to explain her fears. Fears that had apparently been well-founded.

_And I will lay down my heart, and I'll feel the power; but you won't. _

God, and that was the worst part of it, wasn't it? No matter how many times Mindy showed Danny she was here to stay, he would still be scared. Mindy could never repair the damage of Christina or Alan. And she couldn't wait forever. She couldn't sacrifice herself for the sake of comfort.

And they would never be comfortable again. Even if Mindy returned home, told Danny she'd changed her mind, she knew he'd always look at her and wonder if he was enough. She would grow to resent him. And the baby deserved better than that. They all did.

So Mindy decided to go quietly. She knew Danny would give her her space tonight. But in the morning, when she didn't return to work, he'd worry. He'd rush home; but she would already be gone.

Of course he would always be in her life. Danny was going to be an amazing father, there was no doubt about it. But that would be it. It was going to hurt like nothing had hurt before. But Mindy owed it to herself to find someone who was willing to give her what she wanted. She'd desperately hoped it was Danny, grasping at threads as she tried to hold on. And now they were broken, and she was falling, Danny left with the loose ends.

Mindy sunk deeper into the water, as if she could sink away from the storm cloud above her head.

She was taking her dresses out of the closet when she heard the soft footsteps behind her.

"So this is it? You're just going to leave?"

Mindy felt the air leak out of her, tears immediately decorating the dress she was folding. "Yes. I think we both know that's best."

"Min-dy," Danny quickly added onto the end, unsure, "please. Please don't go. Talk to me." He pulled gently on her arm so she would turn around and look at him.

Mindy took a steadying breath before facing him. He looked like he hadn't slept in months; and honestly, he probably hadn't. Mindy knew that her fears weren't the only ones in bed with them when they went to sleep.

She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, pausing to form her thoughts. "Danny," she began, watching as he stood before he breathless. "Let's be honest. This is it."

Danny shook his head, wiping away a tear. "No-no, it's not. It's doesn't have to be," he grabbed her hand, eyes pleading. He kissed her knuckles, trying to wipe away his tears as they stained her skin. "Please. I can't do this without you. I don't want to do this without you. Baby, please don't go, Mindy-" he stopped, words unable to capture his sentiment.

Mindy shook her head, lips trembling. "Danny, it's not gonna work out for us. We want different things, okay?" She held a palm to his cheek and he instinctively leaned into it, grabbing onto it with his other hand as if it were the only thing keeping him on earth. "I-I want to get married. And you don't. It's just not gonna work."

"I just want to make you happy, Mindy, please let me –"

"Danny, getting married would make me happy. And it's not fair to ask me to wait while you try to convince yourself that you want it too," she interrupted him, rubbing her thumb along his lips.

Danny dropped his head into her lap, stifling his sobs. He looked up with tear-ridden eyes. "How did we get here? How did we get so far from us?"

Mindy swallowed and gave a half-hearted shrug. "That's life."

Danny stood up, grazing his thumb up and down Mindy's cheekbone as he looked into her eyes. He shook his heads, but knew no other words could change her mind. And no further words could change his heart, and his beliefs. He leaned in, planting a kiss on Mindy's lips, lingering for a few seconds. Finally he pulled back, wiping his eyes with his sleeve.

"I can't help you pack."

Mindy nodded, understanding. So she continued to put her clothes away, allowing Danny to hold onto some little bit of her as she worked. A finger in the crook of her elbow, a hand grazing her side as he passed.

Soon enough, she was finished. Her bags were piled by the front door, waiting for Morgan to pick up later, when Danny wasn't home.

"You probably won't see me for a bit."

"I understand."

Then Danny watched as Mindy wheeled her suitcase out of his door. He could hear her cries all the way down the hall, turning to his liquor cabinet himself so that he wouldn't have to feel anything anymore.


End file.
